save marriage from divorce- a word on effective communication in marriage.

Even experienced couples have problems when it comes to basic save marriage from divorce issues such as communication in marriage.

It’s easy for anyone to misread their partner’s actions or words when they feel out of sorts in some way.

Emotions affect the dynamics of relationship, especially in the way couples communicate. The act of communication involves sending and receiving messages from one another-when feelings are thrown into the mix, I can upset the process.

Being aware of this basic fact is an important part of understanding how to communicate with your spouse. Otherwise, it could spell trouble for both of you.

For instance, a tired wife who spends the whole day taking care of the children and keeping the house tidy is at risk of taking her husband’s words the wrong way or sending the wrong message. Meanwhile, the husband who comes home exhausted from work is also in danger of adding fuel to the fire.

When you put them together in this context, one of them could misconstrue the others statements and respond by firing back. Then, the other partner will feel hurt and strike back, thus creating a cycle of destructive communication.

Let’s say that the husband asked his wife to take out the trash with him. Being tired from work, he wanted to take out the drudgery by chatting about his day with his wife while taking out the trash.

After a day’s worth of chores however, the wife’s patience has worn thin and thinks that he could very well do it himself. So she snaps with, well unlike you, I have been taking care of the house all day so I am sure you can manage the trash on your own.

The husband now feels criticized and under appreciated because he wasn’t out all day doing anything-he was at work. On the other hand, the wife perceived her husband as too dependent on her for even the simplest of things.

From the wife’s perspective, she may feel a constant need to keep the household in order while the husband might think he needs to pick up the slack at home after working at office.

Naturally, feelings are bound to get hurt when either of them starts communicating with such an undercurrent of presumptions.

Having said that, how do your prevent a breakdown of communication in marriage? The first step is being aware of the fact that coming from a place of resentment has two effects: it only makes your statements emotionallycharged, it also affects the way you receive your partner’s words.

In learning how to have a happy marriage, you should realize that communication in marriage is a two-way street.

Sending and receiving messages needs to be free of negative emotions in order to keep things from escalating.

But you might say that denying the existence of your emotions is impossible, much like telling people not to breathe.

However, that’s not all what we are saying. Knowing how to communicate with your spouse isn’t about NOT having feelings- it’s how you manage them.

Feeling bad and sorting out the matter with your partner is one thing. It’s quite another to feel bad, let your resentment reach critical mass and then lash out at your partner.

Habitually doing the latter isn’t how to communicate with your spouse; it only encourages an atmosphere of contempt and criticism.

Couples who are good at marriage communication understand the importance of talking about their feelings instead of using it to fuel their statements or filter their partner’s words.

Emotions can cause lapse in judgment, so the best way to avoid this is by explaining to your partner where you are coming from rather than assuming they already know.

When you make a greater effort to understand each other’s perspectives, the less likely you are to get caught up in your own and forget to consider your partners feelings.

In the end, it’s not about running away from your emotions. On the contrary, it’s about recognizing their role in your relationship and effectively articulating them to your spouse. Once you begin to handle conflicts this way, you will develop better marriage communication skills and have a happier relationship.

Another great benefit from this is that spouses also feel more supported by one another and confident in another and confident in one another’s ability to discipline the children effectively, which brings them closer as relationship partners.

·               Not in front of the kids.

This point follows on from the one above. The best way to discuss parenting issues is when you and your spouse are feeling calm and are alone.

Because when parents argue about parenting decisions in front of their kids, this creates an unsettling environment which could have serious effects on the children’s wellbeing.

The added tension in a household caused by fighting parents will often cause children to start acting out more.

But as parents are too busy

Blaming each other and focusing on that is right, their children are not receiving the attention or discipline they need.

Children are good at intuitively picking up when their parents are not on the same page when it comes to discipline, and using this to their advantage.

They may try to deliberately cause an argument between their parents, in order to get away with acting out.

And the reality is that their behavior won’t improve if their parents are too busy clashing to set reasonable limits and give their children the discipline they need for misbehavior.

Kids need boundaries, but they don’t have the maturity to set these for themselves. This is your job, as parents.

So make a rule to never argue about your parenting in front of your children.

Always back each other up in front of the kids, and go over any parenting disagreements with your spouse later when you are alone.

Or alternatively, distract your children and ask to speak to your spouse in another room.

Keep in mind that your goal is to raise healthy, well behaved and happy kids. And in order to do this, you need to work together with your spouse.

So it’s important to go into these discussions with a clear head and a will to come to a beneficial resolution. Having the discussion when you are both fired is not going to be productive, so give each other the chance to calm down beforehand if need be.

·               Communicate and listen to each other withrespect.

Whenever a parenting issue comes up that you and your spouse disagree on, take a moment to talk to each of your viewpoints on the topic and why you feel this way.

Often, there will be significant reasons underpinning why each of you feels strongly about a certain issue. Again, this comes back to your own upbringings and your visions for the future.

The next time you and spouse are discussing a parenting issue, try hearing out your spouse’s view without defending, blaming, criticizing or trying to talk them into your ways of doing things.

Listen to what they have to say and recognize your understanding of why the issue is important to them.

If your spouse feels more strongly about it than you do (but you accept their reasoning), tell them that you don’t feel as strongly about it but will support their decision. And hopefully they will do the same when there is something you feel more strongly about.

Remember, there is never one right way to do things when it comes to parenting. If you can respect that your spouse may have thoughts which are different to your won but as every bit as valid, you will become more open to negotiation and finding common ground.

From this point of greater understanding and acceptance of where each other is coming from, you will become more open to different ways of thinking about parenting issues.

You will feel heard, valued and understood by one another, which are crucial elements in getting your marriage back to a healthy place.

·               Make each other’s emotional needs a priority.

It can be easy to get so caught up in all of the demands of child-rearing that you start to neglect the needs of your spouse.

Perhaps the time, love and affection you used to give freely to your spouse seems to now be all used up with the kids, leaving your interactions with your spouse feeling empty and cold.

Right now, the easiest way for you to feel connected to your spouse would be to see them also putting lots of effort into childcare, but they don’t seem to be as dedicated as you do.

Or perhaps you are the opposite spouse. You have tried to connect and be affectionate with your spouse, but they seem to keep pushing away and leaving their time and energy solely for the kids. Eventually, you give up trying and withdraw your own emotional support.

As this goes on, both spouses end up feeling resentful and neglected. The spouse investing more into children may feel unsupported by their spouse, while withdrawing spouse may feel that their spouse doesn’t care about their marriage anymore.

And soon enough, the marriage starts to fall apart. The truth is, parenting is a whole lot harder if your own needs are not being met, as you are constantly drained of emotional resources.

You and your spouse need nurturance and affection as well as your children. And the best source you can receive this from is each other.

Meeting each other’s emotional needs will give you and your spouse strength you need to be good parents.

The more effort you put into meeting your spouse’s needs, the more they will also strive to meet yours.

And this will give you both the emotional resources YOU need to be able to give your children the support THEY need.

Remember the love that created your children in the first place. Don’t let parenting struggles drive you and your spouse apart. Support and love one another in the best ways you can as you go through this challengingsave marriage from divorce but rewarding phase of your life.