the danger of an unhappy marriage-3 ways to deal with a sexless marriage.

Sexless marriages have existed way before the general population has addressed the problem. In some the danger of an unhappy marriage situations, conservative couples would rather abstain than use any form of contraception.

In other cases, people believe that having children is the only reason for sex. But today, more and more people understand that physical intimacy is a couple’s natural way of expressing their love for each other.

Thus, the absence of this significant component is a frequent symptoms of a loveless marriage altogether. Partners in sexless marriages are suffering because they feel frustrated and rejected by their spouses.

They might feel like their spouse no longer fancies them anyone, or worse-has fallen out of love with them.

Whether there was no sex in marriage on or a significant event triggered a sexless marriage( e.g. a new baby, getting fired, etc), it can be very suffocating for the partners involved. But how can you avoid this trap when so many marriages have fallen prey to it?

·       Investigate

Ask yourself: is my marriage in general a good venue for mutual trust, respect and goodwill?

If not, these factors could be the reason why the relationship isn’t conducive for sex. In order for regular intimacy to be present, it has to rest on a solid foundation first.

As such, there are a number of key factors to consider, such as meeting emotional needs, the level of positive feelings in the relationship and support for one another.

If you believe that you are having problems in any of these aspects, it only makes sense that your sex life will suffer as well.

Aside from these two things, there are other possible causes not necessarily involving you two.

For instance, external factors like a hormonal imbalance, loss of employment, having a baby, busy schedules or a personal crisis can also be a cause of no sex in marriage.

Whatever the factors are, you will need to dig deeper with help of a relationship course or a counselor because let’s face it: couples who are hostile to each other can’t expect to be spending a lot of time between the sheets.

·       Communicate

This is a broad concept in the general context of relationships, but there are specific things that can be done when there is no sex in marriage.

For instance, you need to talk to your spouse about your sexual needs. More often than not, a couple can address a lack of sex by simply knowing what the other wants!

You might be surprised to find out that people having a differing sex drives, and this plays a large role in their sexual relationships.

One partner might be perfectly happy with making love twice a week while the other prefers every day.

If any compromise is to be reached, you need to first openly discuss what satisfies each of you (behind closed doors and/ or with a therapist of course).

Otherwise, you will never know when and how often your spouse wants to have sex. Compare and discuss your respective wants, needs and schedules. The only way you are going to hash this out is if your figure out what works for BOTH of you.

·       Stop making excuses

We have all been guilty of putting something off from time to time. However, preventing a loveless marriage means you can’t afford to put off the intimacy.

It’s one thing to be responsible and another to foolishly believe you can do everything by yourself and not compromise an aspect of your life.

You can’t use your busy schedule or other manageable factors as reasons not to have sex.

Make the conscious effort to spend time together, even if it means passing up a project, saying no to a social engagement or leaving the kids with their grandparents.

If you really wanted to, you can very well make arrangements to ensure that you will get to spend some quality time with your spouse.

Although sex isn’t the end-all, be all of your relationship, having enough of it adds a whole other dimension to your marriage. Let’s be honest- married life is just not the same without it.

Do you and your spouse find yourselves constantly fighting about everything when it comes to children?

Can you never seem to agree on things like discipline, bedtimes, and who can take the kids to sports practice?

If so, you are not alone. Parenting is challenging, especially when spouses have experienced completely different upbringings.

But letting parenting clashes drive a wedge between you and your spouse will not only cause your marriage to deteriorate, it could also have a serious negative impact on your children.

It’s essential for your marriage and your children’s health and happiness that you and your spouse become a parenting team.

Below are some key guidelines to follow in order to re-establish a connection with your spouse and become united in your parenting.

·       Always back each other up.

Often in marriage, one spouse ends up being the stricter parent and the other is more lenient. These different styles usually come from differences in their personalities as well as their own childhood upbringings.

For instance, Paul grew up in a strict family in which him and his siblings were kept to a tight routine and were immediately disciplined for any bad behavior.

As a result, he believes that his two young children should be kept to a strict dinner and bedtime routine, with consequences in place if they try to get out of bed.

On the other hand, Maia was the fifth child in her family and experienced quite laid back parenting, in which she often was often allowed to stay up later with her siblings and a lot of naughty behavior was shrugged off as just kids being kids.

As a result, she is less worried about having a set of dinner or bedtime for their children and tends to be more lenient with the kids if they get out of bed at night-often reading them another story or letting them have a hot drink.

Although there is nothing wrong with having different parenting styles, this can often cause conflict between spouses if they do not communicate and come up with ways to approach parenting issues as a team.

In the case of Paul and Maia, these differences in their approach to situations as such as bed time have been putting serious strain on their marriage.

Paul feels that Maia is undermining him and making him feel like the bad guy when she doesn’t back up the consequences he has set, while Maia feels that Paul is being too hard on the kids and could do with loosening up.

If they do not find a way to parent as a team, then this could continue to rupture their marriage through the buildup tension and resentment. And not only this, but their children will also be exposed to unstable parenting and may develop unhealthy behavior patterns.

This is a prime example of why it is so important that parents always back each other in their parenting decisions.

If you don’t do this, it will demonstrate to your children that you are not a unified front, which will lead them to try to undermine your authority and avoid punishment.

To avoid this from happening, try making a rule with your spouse that if one parent disciplines the kids, the other parent must back them up-even if they do not fully agree with the decision at the time (unless the discipline is abusive- in which case you need to put a stop to your spouse’s behavior and seek help immediately)

Alternatively, if you feel that you need a more clear structure in place when it comes to working with your spouse, often a strategy that works well is when a couple agrees that the stricter parent will lead when it comes to discipline- with the more lenient spouse backing up the limits they set.

Please note that this strategy is not designed to give the stricter parent all of the control of mean that their methods are better than the more lenient parents.

It is simply a more effective way of bridging the gap between parenting styles.

 Because what usually happens when this strategy is put in place is that the two spouses gradually become more similar in their parenting over time.

Why? Because when the stricter parent feels that they have their spouses support, they will generally become more flexible and generous in parenting, as they stop feeling the need to over-compensate for the leniency of their spouse.

And when the lenient parent sees their children are benefitting from the structure and firmer rules of the strict parent, they will naturally start to become more firm in their own parenting, while still being kind and considerate.

The end result is that the parents end up being a much stronger parental team, where they are both gentle but firm in their parenting and set the same limit-which is greatly beneficial for their kids.

They will feel that they are in a safe, settled and predictable environment. And as a result, the danger of an unhappymarriage they will start to listen to their parents more and their behavior will improve.