How to overcome codependency in your marriage Are you married to an addict or someone with deep personal issues?
Is your marriage or family life going through a difficult
time because of problems, financial concerns, abuse, or caring for a physically
or emotionally handicapped family member?
If so, do you find yourself making excuses for these issues?
Calling in sick for your alcoholic husband? Taking over the housework because
your poor spouse is just too depressed to help? Denying that abuse is going on
in your own home? Do you find yourself taking charge and bearing the burdens of
the entire marriage or family?
You may be a codependent and this is a serious issue in
marriages and families.
You may have learned to be codependent due to your family
background. It happened in your family so you tend to be attracted to the same
situation once you marry.
You may have learned behaviors such as making excuses,
tuning out, controlling, excessive caretaking, being hyper-vigilant because you
feel that you should do something to save your family from shame or to at least
diffuse the situation and keep the peace. You also do this because you desire
to be needed and fear of doing anything that would change the relationship.
Unfortunately, while such behaviors may reduce conflict and
tension for the meantime, they won't help for the long term. All you are doing
is reinforcing the situation and even, allowing it to worsen. You are also
allowing yourself to be lost within the situation and, in the long run, may
find yourself no longer able to cope.
What can you do to overcome codependence in your marriage
and family life?
If you are reading this short article and have come to
recognize that you do have this problem - congratulations. That is the first
step in beginning to overcome codependence. Admit that you have a problem and
take steps to begin changing it. It will require both self-help and
professional help.
More often than not, these issues stem from deep seated
psychological problems. Don’t let shame keep you from seeking the help of a counselor
or psychologist. Additionally, there are programs similar to Codependents’
Anonymous that will help you process your issues and provide you with tools how
to overcome them.
Your partner or family member may also need professional
help, especially if they are battling clinical conditions or addiction. Work at
getting them the help they need, whether they want it or not. There are some
excellent suggestions in savemymarriagetoday.com's ebook "How to Change
Your Partner from Addiction, Even If they don't want to!"
If there is abuse in your home, more radical steps must be
taken. For the sake of your own self-respect and for your children, if you have
any, break away from the situation. Find a shelter or group that will help you
gain your independence and help you through healing and recovery.
Codependents need healing too and, once recognized, you
should not allow the situation to continue. Get help.
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