After The Honeymoon...
Don't settle for a less than perfect marriage.
You can lead the
way back to love by applying the marriage-saving advice in
Save My
Hollywood has shortchanged us. So have fairy tales, romance
novels
and the media in general.
Since childhood, we've been fed with a steady diet of
romantic
fantasy - Boy meets girl, they fall in love, boy and girl
ride off
into the sunset and live happily ever after.
It's the classic romantic archetype and deep inside, we
actually
have been conditioned to believe it. We go through life and
relationships assuming that if only we just fall in love,
everything will be fine, happy, perfect and passionate all
the
time.
We will always wake up ready and willing to make love, with
fresh
breath, shining hair and unlimited libido. In short, we will
be in
a constant honeymoon state..
It's good for a while because such ideas give us a sense of
hope
and beauty with which to live by in a challenging world.
That's
fine - for as long as we realize that reality does not
always hand
everything to us on a silver platter.
Life is a journey of ups and downs, and not exempted from
this
truth are our relationships.
Hollywood gives us further clues that the honeymoon stage is
bound
not to last, nor should it. Living amidst intense scrutiny,
we see
passionate Hollywood couplings burn out even before the ink
is dry
on the marriage certificate.
And with this burn out, comes divorce. "Irreconcilable
differences"
is a favorite catch phrase.
If only these couples realize that the "After the
Honeymoon" stage
is part of the normal course of any relationship, perhaps
they
could have saved a lot of heartache.
If only we all understand that relationships, like anything
in
life, have their own progression and phases then we can
better
equip ourselves to go through and even enjoy these stages as
part
of our maturing as individuals and as
persons-in-relationship.
When you find that your relationship is precisely at this
stage:
i.e. the initial thrill, the daily love-making marathons,
the
constant craving has gone - what do you do?
The first thing is actually to understand. Just because the
heady
feeling has faded does not mean that the relationship is no
longer
intact.
The commitment partners made, the relationship built - these
are
bigger than the thrills and understanding this makes for an
even
deeper and more committed love between two people.
In fact, rather than berate your partner for having let your
relationship deteriorate to this state, you should in fact
congratulate yourselves.
You have reached a stage of your relationship where the
opportunity
to develop, strengthen and cement it further opens up new
vistas of
relating.
At this stage, the rose-colored glasses fall off and you
will see
your partner for who he or she is, flaws, attributes and
all.
At this stage, the opportunity is presented for you to go
beyond
expectations of perfection in your partner to actually
appreciating
all the traits that make your partner who he or she is.
As you appreciate your partner, you would find it fair to be
appreciated yourself - flaws and all. After all, keeping up
the
thrill of the honeymoon can turn artificial and exhausting
under
most circumstances.
It assumes that you are expected to be perky and
accommodating all
the time which we're sure is not really who you are on a
daily
basis. You too have your ups and downs, you too are on a
life
journey and the sooner you and your partner adjust to these
life
rhythms, the better.
While this article may extol the positives of facing
reality, we
are very much aware that this stage is also the stage of
conflict.
As you and your partner work out your relationship and
adjust to
each other, conflict is to be expected. There's no other way
around
it.
Continuous communication and quality time together propel
this
along. At this stage, both of you are given the chance to
develop
deeper, more honest and more open communication with each
other.
Both speaking in words and deeds as well as listening are
highlighted here. At this stage, both of you can learn the
language
of love as well as conflict in your relationship.
These are the tools that will prove you in good stead for
the rest
of your lives together. With these, you develop the
attitudes that
will build the love, trust and intimacy to last a lifetime.
Passing through this stage, you may be surprised to discover
that
instead of diminishing the love and attraction you have for
each
other, your sexual attraction actually grows.
As you connect deeper with your partner, you become more
comfortable in your own skins and even in communicating your
sexual
needs and desires. You learn to trust each other more
emotionally
and physically.
Imagine that! You even end up with a much better version of
the
Hollywood dream.
Whether you're about to embark on a new, fresh relationship
or are
already struggling "after the honeymoon", don't
worry too much.
Open up your mind and heart and know that even when the
honeymoon
is over, the rest of your lives begin.
Bye for now,
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