Owning Feelings And Actions...

It can be quite frustrating when your partner does not want to

communicate with you, especially in a relationship or marriage

crisis. You may be feeling quite powerless and hopeless as well.

All the more is it doubly frustrating when there is communication

but a total lack of cooperation from your partner or when your

declarations of love or requests for discussion are met with

rejection and disdain.

Wanting to save your marriage is one thing; your partner's

willingness to meet you halfway is another. And, sometimes, you

feel as if you are all alone in wanting to save your relationship.

It can be quite overwhelming, surely, feeling as if every effort

you make will not be enough.

At this point, any help is a welcome relief. It will certainly be

helpful to have a listening ear or caring friend who you can trust

to give you sound advice.

In many situations, there is one piece of advice that we believe

can make a difference: YOU have the power.

While you cannot control the actions of others, you still have your

reactions within your grasp. For many, these words can spell the

difference between allowing a crisis to overwhelm them, or finding

the strength to march forward towards hope.

You have a great responsibility towards yourself - that of allowing

yourself to always behave in a dignified and objective manner.

Think of it this way. How have your past feelings and behavior

influenced your present relationship crisis?

Have you been angry or resentful towards your partner, even if they

were the one who was "at fault"? How have you reacted to their

actions or lack of affection towards you?

Do you blame your partner for what is happening to you right now?

Have you said to yourself "They just make me lose my temper" or

"You make me feel rejected"?

Statements like these imply that it is your partner who is causing

you to feel all these things, which. The reality is that, actually,

your feelings are within your control.

Nobody can make you feel angry or sad or depressed unless you allow

them to. At a certain point, you have chosen to feel the negative

things you are feeling. You gave yourself permission to be furious

or jealous or hurt. You have allowed feelings of inadequacy,

incompleteness or incompetence to get the better of you.

Your partner's words and actions may have affected you deeply but,

ultimately, you can choose how you feel and react to what they say

or do. More importantly, you can choose not to let the negativity

of a bad response wash over you, which may push you to actions or

words you may later regret. The reaction you choose is within your

control.

I am not saying that it is wrong to feel what you feel. On the

contrary, you wouldn't be a warm, loving human person if you were

not capable of being hurt or feeling pain. However, you can also

determine the actions you take as a result of those feelings, or

even how you allow them to affect you.

Instead of lashing out when your partner says or does something

hurtful, take a step back. Even if you feel that you are being

taken advantage of, resist the temptation to wound your partner in

the way they have wounded you. Take into account that your partner

has his or her own reasons for behaving the way they do. It's

highly possible that they're hurt too or feel ashamed and want to

make you feel just as wretched as they do.

Whatever it is, there is a reason behind their behavior. Consider

your partner's motivation. Once you have an insight into their

behavior, what is the best way that you can react? Do you want to

feed the negativity or help extinguish it in favor of a more

positive outcome? Will your reaction save your relationship?

Understanding your partner does not mean that you excuse their

behavior, especially if it is truly hurtful and unjust. You don't

have to agree with what he or she is doing. However, what's

important is that you realize your reactions can make or break the

situation.

Over and above, remember to love your partner. What can you do that

can save your relationship? What is your relationship calling you

to learn about yourself and love? You can be honest with your

partner - tell him that while you are hurt by their behavior and do

not agree with it, you still love them and want to be with them.

This way, you are making a choice to love your partner

unconditionally.

Even if your partner is resistant, at the very least you have

reacted positively to a negative situation and focused on doing

something constructive. Remember, the key to your positive reaction

is not in waiting for your partner to apologize. It's about setting

standards of behavior and developing a heightened sense of

self-awareness in the way you interact with others.

Understanding just how powerful your reactions can be is a first

step towards rebuilding trust and love in your broken relationship.

This is an insight that few people come across and are able to

adapt.

There are more helpful tools and methods in our new ebook,

Relationship Rescue, which you can order here:

Take back control in your relationship and empower yourself to make

a difference.

Best of luck with your relationship,